*Opens bedroom door, flicks on lamp, drops bag and takes off
clothes and gets right in the bed (stares at ceiling)*
Thinking that I wanted to be as strong
as Maya Angelou was a bit easier said than done. You never know how hard
something is going to be until you have to get through it. Dang it, I wish I was as
quiet as she was so I won’t have to remember some of the lies and falsified
stories about me. More than anything that HAUNTS me most. I have nightmares of what will happen if I thought about opening my mouth again. I know
everybody goes through terrible things in their life but having to be strong
and have your own back, when you’re not strong enough to defend
yourself has to be the hardest thing known to mankind. I'm pretty sure that's where the power lies. It lies within the tongue you
hold and mouth you keep silent. Sometimes speaking too much to defend yourself
can cause confusion. I felt like it was better that way since people were
already making front of me -they let my mouth rest. I didn't have to do much talking but now I have to tell these strangers... Yeah, they are
there to do the same thing I’m doing, but they are still human and can
believe and lie about whatever they want. “UGH!” I hate this tug-a-war with
being free and keeping my story safe, it just hurts. I'm tired of hurting. I just want to protect myself.
*Sigh* I must remember that some good will come out of all
of this. I might be flustered now but relief will come. Peace will be there and you have to embrace the pain to get there first. It may be the hardest thing
I’ll ever have to do but it’s not impossible. I’m doing this for me and no one
else. Me. Me
*tears rolls down the face, & goes to sleep* whispers: God Free Me
#IAMDINAH
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